Pix: Comrade Aniebiet Antia
by Maryam Habu shinga
This may not be the best time for me to write on this because of misinterpretations, but I can no longer resist the push. “Husband Scarcity” has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern.
Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a “Husband Scarcity” problem? Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don’t think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home. Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future. What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as “Husband Scarcity” for ourselves.
Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like “he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable” and then she adds “God fearing” in order not to sound so worldly. Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. You hear girls say, “I cannot suffer in my father’s house and then go and start suffering with a man.” What a wonderful dream! What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away? No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small. The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same. When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of “Husband Scarcity”.
Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands.
If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity.
The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him, without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth.
For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS… DON’T CONFUSE A MAN’S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join in alleviating “husband scarcity”. PICK UP THE RIGHT Values. I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials. What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical.
WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen. Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent.